Thoughts on relationships

written August 13, 2011

I think relationships are very important. In fact, the only thing beyond basic nourishment that humans have always required was relationship. Humans  cannot thrive without relationship and companionship. Relationship is also the most complicated thing in life, the most distractive and psychotic. Unhealthy relationships cause war, murder, blame, pain but I think the benefits of relationship is worth its disadvantages. Without experiencing a healthy, loving relationship most people would close down, become confused and obsessed with finding something that might resemble love, they would be emotionally immature and find it hard to see purpose in life. Nothing in this world would be possible if we people had not found purpose in creating a future for their children for their society. When it comes down we all live for each other, to make others proud, to help others, to impress others, to protect others.  

How does this relate to my relationship...? 

Well... I look at my relationships and they seem very healthy, loving and supportive. I am able to be strong and loving because I know what that looks like, and I never feared losing that. Recently a man randomly or maybe not so randomly came in to my life. Now that I look back at the first day we met, I realize that like an ice berg, we only see the very tip of a person when we first meet them, especially when they think they might have a chance at getting your number. When I saw this man walk into the room, I smiled to myself, that could possibly be the man I am looking for. I didn’t have any idea how much was under the surface at that point, all that he encompassed, all that came along with his overwhelmingly beautiful blue eyes. Most of us don’t really give it much thought but whenever we decide to date someone we are always taking on much more then we expect. For the first part of the relationship we may only be dating the surface of that person but as time passes the more of them we see. People are vast, emotionally we are in continual growth. It is as if each person is carrying around a metaphorical bag, and every person collects a new item from each experience and puts it in the bag, desires, dislikes, beliefs, doctrines, morals, fears, expectations and of course emotional and mental deficiencies are all hidden in our bags. I guess most people refer to this as a person's baggage. People often remark on a difficult person having a lot of baggage, but I think its important to realize that no matter the person, there is always baggage, unless they are unusually simple. Baggage or the things we collect do not necessarily have to be heavy or negative, in fact people can choose to pick up something positive even from painful experiences. This man with blue eyes, we can call him Leo seemed deceivingly... light. That first day I met him he smiled a lot, he laughed and confidently contributed to the group conversation. I liked his ability to debate pragmatically, he seemed smart, fair, and caring. Geeze... you really see so little at the first meeting. When it comes to meeting someone new in a casual circumstance all we really can do is judge the book's cover. It's really a miracle that people find true love at all, when most of us choose our mates based on circumstance, fame, financial position or at the very least; first impression/attractiveness. So how do people ever end up with intimate, deep and truly compatible relationships, when compatibility has nothing to do with any of those things? Much of life seems way to... coincidental. Leo asked me out for dinner, as I’d hoped he would. It was really the first time I’d ever been asked to dinner and actually wanted to say yes. I must have wanted him to be somewhat prepared for what was within the pages of my book so I looked at him and I said, “yes, I'll go to dinner with you, but I must warn you I am a very strange person.” At that point I had absolutely no idea just how strange this person standing in front of me was. He did not give me any clues as to how atypical his past was. After two years of not dating anyone I choose a man struggling with bipolar, anxiety, and ADHD. Albeit, I chose based on first impressions yet God only knows why that happened. Even so, The fact that I find myself loving him, loving being with him, touching him, listening to him, learning who he is, has me trusting the universe. If there is a God I have no doubt that he would be laughing and enjoying our ridiculous endeavors struggling through life but he seems to also offer a positive outcome for every unusual and unfortunate turn of events.  Most of the time we don’t know what our life would look like if a certain situation had or hadn’t happened. Leo needs someone who knows what a real relationship looks like, knows what it meant to love. Leo needs someone who could be strong and very open. I need someone who will see my value, trust me, who will be vulnerable with me and not be threatened by me taking a strong roll in the relationship.